My Rules of Life

At this point it time, by dint of injury, a forced time of rest and reflection has been entered, and it has become impressed upon me, that now more than ever, with the world in the state it is in, the status of the current civilization and social progression (or rather regression, but that is for another entry) that it is of the highest priority for me to revaluate and adjust, recondition and shore up my personal tenants and beliefs once more, as I know full well that as time progresses ever onwards to the inevitable end for me, I will again be tested, even after my current test is completed, one way or another.

The Buddha stated and taught the ideal of Dukkha-dukkha, or in plain English, “Life is suffering.” Or as Jordan B. Peterson has said with great conviction, eloquence and clarity that we as humans are "built for struggle". Indeed, we do seem to thrive on adversity, but ironically enough, only when we view it in the context of challenge, as if it was a game, rather than as suffering or struggle for the sake thereof, as inflicted upon us by our very existence. As brilliantly observed, lampooned and yet surmised by author Douglas Adams in his book, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe: “The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

The constant struggle of order and chaos, the constant pendulum swing driven by ever fluctuating entropy, and the fickleness of the fallen soul of humanity, both collectively and individually, is the building blocks of existence, formed from raw matter and math, in the language of God himself, leads to the push and pull of life, the ups and downs, yet it is what we are made of, frailties and light both, that define just what it is our existence means. It is something we must lay claim to, and then mold by our will if we are to hope of becoming that which we are meant to be, and our failing to do so, is what leads to life molding and defining us, and it is a sad and terrible thing indeed to be so defined by trauma, rather than self.



So what then does one use to define self? It is of course, that most vital cog of causality, the most intimate partner of human will, choice. Choice and choice alone is that which we may use to define ourselves, and to fail in doing so, makes us less than human. So then, how do we choose?

We set for ourselves rules, we pick and choose our reactions and responses to the things not wholly automatic, and we practice daily, how we will respond to the input given to us by the universe, and the other humans we exist with. Just as one would program a computer with “if this, then that” we program ourselves with our choices. In doing so, we train ourselves on how to react, using countless centuries of exampled genetic programming as a starting point, and building from there with the immediate examples of family and friends, before refining and finalizing with our own cognitive choices.



For myself, I list now below, my own rules for life, not as a standard guild or starting place, such as J.B. Peterson has done with his brilliant and timely book "12 Rules for Life: an Antidote to Chaos" but rather more, for the record, and for myself, my own list of rules I have had, edited, refined, and adhered to for the bulk of lo the now almost 35 years of my existence, first published back in 2012 on my old blog, I now bring the long overdue update to my personal rules for life.



Take from them what you will, I don't care, but all I can say for sure, is that for better or worse, they have worked for me, and kept me in that sweet spot between colorful insanity and dull emptiness thus far.





Rule #1: Take responsibility for yourself and your actions and your choices
Without rehashing all that I have already said about personal responsibility, I will surmise this rule as such; there can be no true life without growth, and there can be no positive grown without clear self reflection, and ownership of the same.



Rule #2: Everything costs someone, something
Every, single, damned thing.
Nothing is free except sunlight and air, and their value cannot be lessened because of that.


Rule #3: Manners count, and small things matter more than we ever realize
You will never fully understand how you can or do affect the people around you, and how they in turn will affect others, and even yourself.


Rule #4: Know when to stand your ground / when to back down
Know when to admit your wrong, but also know when to speak up if you are right, and even more so if on behalf of others.


Rule #5: Cover your ass
Part of rule #1 in a way, always seek self improvement, and to be sufficient if not excellent and/or honest in all you do, it helps keep you out of trouble, and will insulate you from injustice if you do get in trouble, because someone somewhere, is looking to screw you over, or is so short sighted and apathetic that they will screw you over out of carelessness, and covering your own ass will negate a level of that.



Rule #6: Extend mercy to them what need it most
Kindness is underused and devalued too easily, and this is all of our fault, but mercy too often is labeled as weakness, when in fact it is one of the brightest marks of strength and righteousness.



Rule #7: trust must be both given AND earned
Much as with Rule #2, trust costs, yet it can be the best investment you can make, as well as the worst. Never give more than the most bare amount upfront, but once proven, it should be given generously until proven to be misplaced, and then it must be horded jealously. Everyone gets one free pass.




Rule #8: Speak well, softly, and respectfully whenever possible
Mean what you say, and say what you mean, and learn how to articulate it as well as possible.




Rule #9: Know your limits
And know how to compensate for them, and how to react when you have been pushed past them.



Rule #10: When worst comes to worst, do not be needlessly nice or polite

In parallel with #9, when one has been pushed to the limits of their composure and good will, it becomes a self aware person, to respond in blunt harshness to them that are inflicting upon them without any gentility, but then they don't deserve it anymore given their habitual negative behaviour.



Rule #11: Stand up for yourself, since so few others will
Linked closely with Rule #7 this rule is foundational to both self respect and personal responsibility, and is the fulcrum by which you will leverage yourself upon when times and people try you, so that you might still hold some measure of self worth through it all,



Rule #12: Make every shot count, no matter the context
Self explanatory.



Rule # 13: When all else fails; endure 

Make the choice before you get out of bed, to not fold like a cheap lawn chair whenever and wherever life or other people decide to fall upon you. Make your plans, have a goal in mind but understand that when it all goes up in flames, you are never beaten if you never quit.



Rule #14: Never disrupt another's right to go their own way
Cooperation is good, but domination is bad, no person out of a thousand is either worthy nor equipped to rule, and any who are, do not seek to do so, and never open yourself up to justice by trying it outside of dire circumstances.



Rule #15: Find something to believe in, to the point you are willing to die for it
Without the power of belief, humans are aimless, and destructive without end, so find a goal, we are creatures designed and evolved to AIM at something beyond us, be it a target to strike, or an achievement to meet or even surpass, it is one of the vital cogs within motivation that allows us to thrive.



Rule # 16: If it ain't broke, don't fix it, and if it is, by God fix it 

Sums up a number of the other rules, but is also fairly self explanatory.



Rule #17: know when to just smile and nod
Better to remain silent and thought poorly of, than to confirm any bias against you by speaking or acting out when unnecessary.


Rule #18: never pass up the chance to laugh
Irony abounds, and comedy requires an audience but humor allows us to face the darkness with a flicker of light, it keeps us from blinking when the abyss finally stares back.


Rule #19: if you can't stun them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit
Somewhat tongue in cheek, yet shockingly valid, this is a practical and audacious summery of the application of rule #18, and is not for the faint of heart or thin of skin nor the risk adverse.


Rule #20: fight for love
The bonds we forge have meaning, they have value, but only so long as we ascribe to them as such.

the past, present and future self, pt. 3

In many ways, there is none more ernest, committed or vocally supporting a person then one who had been converted.

I do not mean simply (or irrelevantly) a person who has found a religious (or political, but I repeat myself) ideal they have committed too, but rather in broad strokes, all things.

The human notion of truth, is powerful, yet our understanding of it, our perception of it, is terrifyingly flawed, and broadly self centered in bias.

Information, good or Ill, is not always factual, and facts are not always truth, yet truth itself, is the basis for all of the previously mentioned items. Yet without the attachment of meaning, or of value, truth for the sake of truth, is null in its effect on ones life.

Yet subjective as it all seems, truth is still the cornerstone of all growth and progress, be it the singular individual or the width and depth of humanity as a whole. A is A. Something, is what it is, even if it doesn't exactly look like it upon first glance. Light is light, warm is warm, and the opposite  of both indicates the absence of either, a rock is a rock, unless it's a turtle in hiding.

To say that people are complex is both true, and imperfect, because motives are simple, but reasons are not, people are much more than just the sum total of their own experiences, biases, culture or beliefs. In fact it is even deeper than that.

Why then, practically speaking, do we choose to further complicate things by choosing to lie? The motivational reasoning for such can vary person to person, yet the effect is almost always the same: chaos.

Be it to protect, or to cheat, depriving others of truth always ends in damage, exponential cost to self and others, and negatively impacts all that are in proximity to the lie, and/or the one lying.

Yet why for the love of sanity, do we default to it? Children teach themselves to lie young, and what is worse, is they are often too hard headed to stop, even when caught and punished for it.

I was terrible about this until I was around 16 or so, and even then I didn't fully break myself of the habit until I was almost 25. And as such, I dare say you may count myself as among the "converted" in matters of honesty. To quote my mother: "I don't hate people, but I abhor a liar." 

Yet, even so, honesty itself also comes with a burden, doubled when one is in concert with questionable people or proven liars. To Quote Jack Sparrow: "Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid."

This implying that honest people who are always taken as honest, who suddenly chose to lie, are the most dangerous because they are both not good at it, and no one ever expects them to actually lie to start with.

Juxtaposing that with someone like myself, a convert to the truth, and I would submit that such people are the only ones to actually trust, because we know both the danger and the value of the truth, and of lies, and we choose one over the other, because we understand the consequences of going the other way, and if one is truly ethical, and holds no malice, then they will choose the truth every time. To summarize what King Solomon said in his book of Proverbs: Necessary are the wounds of a friend, but kisses from an adversary drip with death.

As Jordan Peterson has said in his book, 12 rules for life, "always tell the truth, or at least don't lie". This echoes the axiom of Mark Twain who said, always tell the truth, so you don't have to remember anything.

In so far as this all relates to myself and who I am now, and who I want to be, I now say this: I endeavor to always be honest with myself, and with others, to spare the compounding effect of lies upon consequences, and to foster a sense of reliability for myself.

Doing so also means I can avoid posible entanglements by warding off others who might not be as forthright or truthful, thus protecting myself from harm further down the line.

This also has the effect of drawing others of like or compatible ideals to me, and as such should hopefully bolster my efforts of self improvement by allowing others to surround me who have like goals and standards, who can help me, and whom I can help in kind.

It is, I humbly submit, the only moral way forward for anyone looking to be the best person they can or might be, and that failing in doing so is not wrong, but part of the process of learning, yet willingly choosing not to do so, will only end in misery and chaos.

I choose the balance of order, and freedom, honesty and growth. I choose not to cause undue harm to others with intent, yet make no excuse for insult for they who would act against me for selfish gain.

It is why, when I am being honest with myself, I can say that I wish to learn, to grow, and to achieve that which I have set before myself as a lofty goal: the reputation of a good and honest man, a faithful friend, and a terrible adversary, an advocate for they who need it, and one who stands at a line not to be crossed.

I have made great progress to this end, yet I know I still have a long way to go, a lot of work to do, and frankly, it is an end I know I will never fully arrive at, yet the journey is as always, the worthier part, and what I do not know, I will learn, one way or another.

It is who I intend to be, it is, my future self whom I hope to meet in my mirror one day, and whom I wish to present to the world at large, or at least my little corner of it..