~ George Washington
In my previous entry, I explained in part about how things of value cost us something, and how relationships are built on a simple mixture of time and effort, now I want to point towards the thoughts of what breaks such things, and relationships.
The simple answer, was given away in the previous comments, about the possible longevity of a relationship given low amounts of time or effort, that is to say that realistically speaking, there is no sustainable longevity to be had, at least that I am aware of.
In the opening quote, Washington seems to make an exacting effort to impart the idea of truly robust and meaningful relationships taking time to build up, and that they must be tested, presumably by outside forces and/or events, before they can be counted worthy of a meaningful label.
Given the nature of some of his more publicly visible relationships, and the juxtaposition between the two most noteworthy at one of the most prominent points in not just his life, but indeed world history, his words come into a startlingly sharp contrast, and thundering resonance with a great number of people, chiefly I would wager, with anyone who has woken up one day, where everything is more or less as it has been, or should be, and gone to bed at the end of that day, feeling as if everything you have held dear, is a cheaply made, flimsy lie.
Anyone, namely any man, who has been blindsided or at the least unpleasantly confronted with a bit of documentation by their partner in relation to a divorce.
Now I must pause here to make note that I had my own part to play in in the ending of my marriage, and in hindsight, I see how a pointed, blistering and poorly delivered (but not wholly unwarranted) reply to an outburst of insanity, and/or a probing of resolve, better known in some circles as a "shit test" gave my ex-wife the one final thing she needed to follow through with her then still growing plan to leave me: Full permission from me, and justification for her imparted excuses and the lies she had given precedence within her own reasoning.
Had I been more measured, or even more direct and proactive in my reaction to her shit test, things might have worked out a bit differently.
Oh I do not mean to imply that I think the divorce could have been avoided, on that count, I honestly could not say, for my part I would have never acted upon that course of action without some sort of concrete proof of unforgivable actions or at the least reasonable doubt that things could not be reconciled, which granted at that time, I actually had, but even now I cannot say as to her part of it all, in any comparable fashion.
But more to the point; how does one predict the actions or words of someone in what is for all intents and results, an altered state and thus effectively out of their right mind?
And so I return to the primary point of the entry now; Any lasting or meaningful friendship takes time, effort and reason to build and grow, and ideally the moment any imbalance develops, it must be addressed swiftly, or else it will grow and fester and rot the relationship from within like a cancer, the dynamic becoming a lack of healthy function and a blight of excess weight strangling anything good or healthy.
This of course speaks nothing to more pointed, outside influences, namely other people and whatever relational entanglements there may be, and the level of effect they might have.
In some ways such outside factors may in fact be some part of the external testing a relationship must either endure, modify or succumb to, in order that they be granted such imperative weight and meaning in ones life.
In my observations, such factors seem only to help solidify the bonds between people, or very well destroy them. The end results hinging upon who makes the vital choices one way or another, and who fully commits to such choices bears the burden and/or the blessing of responsibility for it, yet how often do we observe individuals who make such choices truly own their handy work?
No wonder Washington spoke of testing others before exposing the deeper parts of yourself and your trust to them.
It is this which provokes me to recall a simple ideal within the realm of creative writing that applies to the many variations it takes, from poetry to song lyrics to long form fiction and even roleplay: Be internally consistent within whatever rules you abide by, so that you are always agreeing with yourself, and can be followed and understood.
The best Rap bars, have lyrics that are consistent in their format, being adhering to a particular rhyme scheme, or a cadence or imagery, whatever the rule or point of the song or song part is, if it is not consistent, it will fall flat. The same is said for poetry, and even screen writing. Well, if only recent examples of the latter actually could maintain that at least, then some shows, and I won't name any here, but some shows might have had their ending or middle seasons as well received as their first. Okay most shows.
My point being this: If one is going to build lasting relationships, then one must have willing participants that share the same basic goals, the same standard, the same ideals, and they must constantly be maintained, or even if changed, done so by all concerned. This internal standard, this self imposed consistency, is paramount to growing that slow to mature plant, to the point where it earns its place of permanence within your life, for the moment you are not in agreement, unless a resolution can be reached, I would submit that the relationship is doomed, the only remaining questions being how and when it will end, rather than why or what for.
This is why, for the most intimate of relationships, mutual safeguarding against outside meddling is part of the deal.
More on that next time.
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