The External Threshold

With the previously established concepts in mind, I now turn my attention to the more practical application, the everyday usage of this knowledge and how it effects my behaviour and choices.

Explaining this could be done with any number of clechés or catchphrases or memes, and catchy or trite as they might be, there is still a thread of truth within them, yet they still clearly fail to fully define and convey the fullness of the application to my own behaviour and the reasoning behind it. Words, as useful and meaningful and essential as they are, still carry less weight than actions. 

To turn a phrase; Words convey the state of mind, but actions reveal the state of the heart.

When I honestly recount my words, and compare them to my actions, I find that they do not always line up, and in the effort of living more honestly with myself, and being more honest with others, I see changes I must make to what I say, and do, to bring them into a more consistent alignment, for the sake of my own sanity, such as it is or could be, as well as for the sake of the dignity of others around me.

In his book "Twelve Rules for Life, an antidote to Chaos" Jordan Peterson repeatedly makes note of the power of honesty, of telling the truth, and he honestly explains that to improve yourself, is no small or easy task, but that striving to a higher ideal, of aiming for the higher good, one cannot help but improve themselves, even if by the smallest of degrees, and that the process is rarely easy or quick, but that real change, real progress is indeed possible, and that it is worthy of the effort, if not for others, but for yourself.

He explains some of the countless reasons people behave in destructive and selfish manners, and the damage that it causes, and time and again, I am baffled yet impressed with how pointedly he breaks down things I have observed in myself and others, with staggering consistency, and then exposes underlying causes and the obvious effects, before countering them all with the plain truth of what it will take to change or negate them, as well as compelling arguments as to why you should seek to do so.

After all, it is the why, that seems most elusive in defining, at least when people are asked to articulate it, but what is the reason for this I wonder?

The meaning of why, is for all practical reasoning, the underlying motivations of our innermost person, our "Heart" to use the common Western Judeo-Christian nomenclature, is thought to be the seat of our emotions, the source of our will, and the truest part of who we are. Under the same ideals, the notion that we are a being in three parts, formed in facsimile after the template of God, as the Holy Trinity: the father; creator and judge of all, the Son; the redeemer, the co-heir and example, and the Holy Spirit; companion, counselor, comforter and guide.
Humans as triune beings are defined as a Heart; our Spirit, the divine spark, core emotions and most basic essence of who we are, our Mind; the seat of our intellect, our reason and that which bridges the gap between Spirit and Body, and of course, our Body; Our senses, instincts and in some ways, avatar in the physical world.

The "why" then is found within all three, but which is paramount? Which is truly in control?

That is I think, the question one should ask themselves each and every day. Only by doing so, can one maintain some semblance of direction, some sort of externalized waypoint, a threshold with which to aim for, and reach for. Something beyond ourselves to keep us honest, or at least from reverting into a lesser, more beastial state of being, maybe.

In the realm of relationships, this must be the shared keystone upon which everything must be built. This safeguards both parties from betraying both themselves and the other, with selfish and/or lazy behaviour, as previously noted, the time and effort equation must be balanced between the parties, and this also allows for a measure of protection from degrading outside forces, ironic as it may be, that an external element might offer some form of defence against other outside elements, it non the less, seems to me, to be as such.

No this does not mean that each and every relationship must be removed from others, or that any sort of networking is to be avoided, on the contrary, this would be supported, by reasoned and focused intent by all parties involved. The traditional family unit, and it's variations seems to bear this out, which is why I would submit that is one of many reasons why the basic format seems to be under such a constant barrage of undermining, from the rise of single parent households, to the prevalence of widespread shallow and vapid, distracting relationships in lieu of fewer, but more in-depth and resilient relationships.

Ours is a culture that has morphed from one of quality, long term investment, craftsmanship, permanence and value, into one of replacement, upgrades, instant gratification, and disposable cheapness, and it has permeated into all things.

More is the pity I say.

Without a shared external standard, a threshold and goal, there can be little to no common motivation, and thus, little to no balance in effort and desire between two people, and I know this to be true, because in hindsight, this is what happened to my marriage, and while it did not start out this way, I was too dumb and blind to notice the shifting in my wife, until what was either far too late, or just at the point of no return where any efforts I could make, would have had to be so extreme in nature as to have been heroically improbable for me to achieve under ideal circumstances, and practically impossible given the less than ideal situation I found myself in over the course of the previous calendar year.

While many aspects of the circumstances were within my power to effect, most were not, and even then, how little could I then manage myself and my reactions to them with the limited capacity I had at my command, both for myself, as well as for her, and most obviously, the world at large.

Much like within real estate, location location location, it matters, not just with your litteral geography, but with how you position yourself within your social circles, your work life, and most of all, your personal life.

You must be willing to do the hard things, even if its just spend a little more time or effort for both the short term, and the long term, because it might cost you some sleep today, or some money tomorrow, but it can reward you with so much more of both and other things, if you are willing to do it, if you can do it.

You must set yourself a bar, and then reach for it, with all you can possibly muster up to do so, and then keep at it.

Sloth, while comfortable, will kill you and your dreams and desires if you let it.

So as I have again learned, don't fucking let it.

The Internal Standard

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to appellation."

~ George Washington

In my previous entry, I explained in part about how things of value cost us something, and how relationships are built on a simple mixture of time and effort, now I want to point towards the thoughts of what breaks such things, and relationships.

The simple answer, was given away in the previous comments, about the possible longevity of a relationship given low amounts of time or effort, that is to say that realistically speaking, there is no sustainable longevity to be had, at least that I am aware of.

In the opening quote, Washington seems to make an exacting effort to impart the idea of truly robust and meaningful relationships taking time to build up, and that they must be tested, presumably by outside forces and/or events, before they can be counted worthy of a meaningful label.

Given the nature of some of his more publicly visible relationships, and the juxtaposition between the two most noteworthy at one of the most prominent points in not just his life, but indeed world history, his words come into a startlingly sharp contrast, and thundering resonance with a great number of people, chiefly I would wager, with anyone who has woken up one day, where everything is more or less as it has been, or should be, and gone to bed at the end of that day, feeling as if everything you have held dear, is a cheaply made, flimsy lie.

Anyone, namely any man, who has been blindsided or at the least unpleasantly confronted with a bit of documentation by their partner in relation to a divorce.

Now I must pause here to make note that I had my own part to play in in the ending of my marriage, and in hindsight, I see how a pointed, blistering and poorly delivered (but not wholly unwarranted) reply to an outburst of insanity, and/or a probing of resolve, better known in some circles as a "shit test" gave my ex-wife the one final thing she needed to follow through with her then still growing plan to leave me: Full permission from me, and justification for her imparted excuses and the lies she had given precedence within her own reasoning.

Had I been more measured, or even more direct and proactive in my reaction to her shit test, things might have worked out a bit differently.

Oh I do not mean to imply that I think the divorce could have been avoided, on that count, I honestly could not say, for my part I would have never acted upon that course of action without some sort of concrete proof of unforgivable actions or at the least reasonable doubt that things could not be reconciled, which granted at that time, I actually had, but even now I cannot say as to her part of it all, in any comparable fashion.

But more to the point; how does one predict the actions or words of someone in what is for all intents and results, an altered state and thus effectively out of their right mind?


And so I return to the primary point of the entry now; Any lasting or meaningful friendship takes time, effort and reason to build and grow, and ideally the moment any imbalance develops, it must be addressed swiftly, or else it will grow and fester and rot the relationship from within like a cancer, the dynamic becoming a lack of healthy function and a blight of excess weight strangling anything good or healthy.

This of course speaks nothing to more pointed, outside influences, namely other people and whatever relational entanglements there may be, and the level of effect they might have.

In some ways such outside factors may in fact be some part of the external testing a relationship must either endure, modify or succumb to, in order that they be granted such imperative weight and meaning in ones life.

In my observations, such factors seem only to help solidify the bonds between people, or very well destroy them. The end results hinging upon who makes the vital choices one way or another, and who fully commits to such choices bears the burden and/or the blessing of responsibility for it, yet how often do we observe individuals who make such choices truly own their handy work?

No wonder Washington spoke of testing others before exposing the deeper parts of yourself and your trust to them.



It is this which provokes me to recall a simple ideal within the realm of creative writing that applies to the many variations it takes, from poetry to song lyrics to long form fiction and even roleplay: Be internally consistent within whatever rules you abide by, so that you are always agreeing with yourself, and can be followed and understood.

The best Rap bars, have lyrics that are consistent in their format, being adhering to a particular rhyme scheme, or a cadence or imagery, whatever the rule or point of the song or song part is, if it is not consistent, it will fall flat. The same is said for poetry, and even screen writing. Well, if only recent examples of the latter actually could maintain that at least, then some shows, and I won't name any here, but some shows might have had their ending or middle seasons as well received as their first. Okay most shows.

My point being this: If one is going to build lasting relationships, then one must have willing participants that share the same basic goals, the same standard, the same ideals, and they must constantly be maintained, or even if changed, done so by all concerned. This internal standard, this self imposed consistency, is paramount to growing that slow to mature plant, to the point where it earns its place of permanence within your life, for the moment you are not in agreement, unless a resolution can be reached, I would submit that the relationship is doomed, the only remaining questions being how and when it will end, rather than why or what for.

This is why, for the most intimate of relationships,  mutual safeguarding against outside meddling is part of the deal.

More on that next time.