As surmised in the popular Anime, "Full Metal Alchemist"
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange."
Such a concept is not new, and the modern world is full of axioms and sayings that simplify this, such as "Time is money" or "Respect is earned" or "no pain, no gain" and this is all very true, it is all very elemential, so much so that Sir Isaac Newton was able to apply the scientific method to it and surmise in his 3rd Law of motion:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Or even more eloquently, as put forth in the second Matrix film by the, Merovingian, as the concept or "law" of Causality.
Power comes at a cost, and there is no knowledge that is not power, thus, knowledge costs you something. By the very nature of interacting with the world around you, you are changed, you spend your time and energy and gain experience, knowledge, power, yet there is always a trade off.
If you touch the stove and get burned, you have learned something valuable, at the cost of some time and some pain.
When you travel to a new place, you learn how to get there, and what is there when you arrive, at the cost of time and some resources.
Should you attempt to learn a new skill or task, you gain knowledge and improve yourself, at the cost of energy and empty space between brain cells.
I realize that this is rather obvious and plain, yet it bears stating for the reminder of just how the universe is set up. There are no free lunches, everything costs something, and nothing costs the same.
With this established at the forefront of our awareness, then allow me to extrapolate a bit of the following:
All relationships are built upon two equal measures of both Time, and Effort.
Now this of course does not answer any of the vital components that make up the catalyst nor the context of the relationship, but I think that it is fair to say that it damn well matters just as much if not more, the amount of time and effort that goes into a relationship.
After all, a pair of people in love with one another, or people who are friends, or even at the very least like and respect one another, are going to spend a lot of time, making a concentrated effort to have a working relationship, in many ways as a bully works and makes a focused effort to spend the time to remind his victim of their place and status in the mind and eyes of said bully. Twisted, dysfunctional, harmful and above all wrong as that sort of relationship is, it is still a relationship, and thus built with time and effort on the part of one or both of the membership within.
Which begs the observation, that a low time/effort relationship is not going to last very long.
And I bet know what the more thoughtful of you readers are thinking; "Yeah, no kidding pal, everyone knows that." But do we really?
What is more, how does one measure the time and effort put into the relationship by the other person? And at what point does intent come into play? And then what of the actual results? What of the stated goals, if any?
In the aftermath of my divorce, and indeed the time leading up to it, I have contemplated, reviewed, thought upon, studied, and broken down the relationship to the best of my capacity, but there is no satisfactory conclusion beyond marking the places where I messed up, and didn't fix it, because I simply have not all of the vital data I need to accurately piece together a more whole and sturdy understanding of both parts of it. I cannot say anything with enough certainty to be accurate enough for my personal tastes.
And I must settle within myself, the fact that I may never get the answers and data I want or need to do so.
While this does give me pause, it does not however, change who I am, and how I react to it.
As I estimate all Sigma Males should or in fact do, I put the relationship into a category that seems most fitting, and then take in the now, and look to what shall follow, because looking back at the past is all well and good, to learn and instruct ourselves is vital to prevent us from repeating the same mistakes over and over.
It is a part of the drive to learn and grow, meshing with the part that is able to let things go when no more gain can be had from them.
But one must always be on the look out for when dwelling upon the past becomes dwelling within it, when the lesions become not instructive, but wasteful, agonizing over what might have been, or could have been, done, avoided, tried, or repeated, the emotive and intellectual malaise turning into something else, something dark and destructive, self-indulgent all consuming.
I should know, because I have fought myself back from the brink, clawed my way from the precipice of falling into such a emotionally short-circuited logic loop, more than once in my life, and more than once in the last 9 months. It is not an easy task, nor one for the weak of heart or mind. It takes something hard to define, made up of many smaller and easier to quantify parts, ideals and knowledge and honesty that all told, can be brutal, even more brutal than whatever the event that put you there in the first place was. It very much has something to do with smiling into the darkness, even as it smiles, or even laughs back at you.
This costs you something, something less measurable and dare I say even less tangible than time or money.
This cost you parts of yourself. Like a wild fire burning old dead brush and wood away so that the younger, living parts might have a chance. It is the heating and pounding of a lump of iron, adding carbon and other elements to refine and forge steel.
It is not fun, nor easy, and no wonder so few people really commit to it. It hurts, it's uncomfortable, it exhausts you, because it is costing you something.
I'm not a fan of it, and I do not suggest it as a casual thing. But I understand what is at the end of such a process, and if nothing else, while I might not exactly be patient enough for it, I can damn well stubborn my way through it until the end, because I know the prize to be had, if I just stick to it, and besides, at least when I am actively participating I have some measure of control over the end result, and I'm not just letting myself be manipulated by exploiters who tell me they are here to help, even as they bend me and tear down all that I have become or want.
That is a whole other subject, the manipulators, the meddlers. People so unhappy with themselves they must project or inflict their misery upon others. And maybe they think they are helping, in the ways they think they once wanted help. Or maybe, they just want to watch the world burn, people first...
Either way, it costs us something, to either be active, or passive.
More often than not, being passive, costs more than just ourselves something, but someone else as well. Many times, it costs them something more.
But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
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